damn !

what a life ! hmm totally disaster!sometimes i've felt that i really hate my life .its totally hurt when we stuck in something ,act its a problem and i have to faced it .it's really unfair towards me !but i guess its a test from a god i have to faced this matter.sometimes i wish i dont have anything except studies,myself and just me .plus,i dont feel like having a family is the best ever to me .maybe a lot of torture,hurting that happened towards my llife,its really damn it .i just felt that i wanna be alone ,no one stick with me,just ME !and its really hurt when someone who has a relationship with you for about 18years ,he doesnt have any trust,and always  look me down ,but when he had to be in a hard time ,he asked for my help .i guess its really unfair for me to be alive .haha i try to laugh as loud as i can ,i tried to take this matter as not a serious thing ,but when i've got to through this thing everyday and everyday of my life,my hearts felt shit ! in my heart i dont trust him ,i can't respect him as my important thing for my life,i just can call him 'suck' , 'annoying' ,' hypocrited' and so much of neg things for him !i wonder why i've felt like this.after what he did to her,to me he is nothing for me.wish i could go back to normal life !i dont ask too much ,i just want him to be an examples for them .and for me too .make me proud ,make peoples feel that he's there !make his brothers,sisters never look down towards him ,and mine .he doesnt realised it.all this time .they are nothing .look at her ,even she is not close with her siblings ,but what can i say .i've respect them a lot !cared each other,always be there when she needs help .but for this matter ,famliy thing ,he doesnt felt ashamed shared the story bout what he had to faced .why ca'nt hejust woke up ?!why can't he felt something ?!why and why ?why he doesnt want to be like another human being did something for us ?why ?i am too much depressed !seriously i am .i thought i could shared everythings towards you darl ,but i just can't .enough for you to knew him ,just like that.i'm afraid if you know what the most problem that i had to take it and put at my face,sure you will be shocked !there's a lot.a lot of things that i feel i want to do .runaway and leave this place asap !yeah ,nothing much for now ,i just need my grandmother,gives a big hug cuz i miss her a lot !but i know i have a responsible .i have to be here as long as i have to .i have to take care of her,and them .i have to .before any bad things happen .but i've really thankful to god !!:'(
yeahh ,thankss to you grandpa ,for giving all of this !if is not because of you ,a can really sure our life is going to be nothing .thank you so much,and i hope there will be a miracles .waiting for my result ,hoping for the best result,get a Uni ,and i will never see your face anymore!thats good for me and great for you . ;)